I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize