so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
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