He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
