i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
