Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
