Who did Billy Mays play for?
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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