out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize