just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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