At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
