He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize