i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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