p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
