I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
