She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
