he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I'm really busy with my period
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