I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
