He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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