The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
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