It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
