Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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