I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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