I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
