I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
