it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize