This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
