You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
