I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
