oh god the rape fog is back!
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
