We won't sleep together?
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
