he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
nutella sex= disaster
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
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