Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
