A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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