my mouth tastes like poor choices
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
