I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
