If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
