I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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