can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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