Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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