i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
