do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
