I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
