You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
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