I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
