i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
