Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
