Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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