They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
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