Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
