it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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