so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize