wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize