Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
