ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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