I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
