Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I just had sex on a roof
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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