My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
