I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Randomize
