Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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