A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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