It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
