By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Randomize
