Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
