i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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