never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
