You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
