Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
